(via infantsmoothie)
have you ever looked at a window and wondered how injured you would be if you jumped out of it
Dude, always. I wish I could stop that hahahah.
(via taemptress)
Erika Moen’s Tumblr: Things to remember
- You don’t owe anything to the people who created you by smashing cells together.
- A bully is a bully and emotional mistreatment is abuse.
- Don’t let a dictionary definition of what “family” is guilt you.
- Love those who love you and are worthy of your love.
I mean seriously, if hearing someone’s voice for 30 seconds auto-triggers nausea and baseless guilt, then you have every right to question why they should exist in your life.
I choose to not respond.
About two years ago I cut off all contact with one of my parents; blocked them from being able to access me through phone and internet, didn’t give them my address when I moved, the mail they send to my office gets a “Return to Sender” on the envelope.
It has surprised me how rarely I feel guilty, like I expected I would. These last two years, it’s like the sun has finally come out. Genuine happiness and peace of mind reassure me, in my weaker moments, that my life is better now because I made the right decision. The more time passes, the more stable I feel.
My family now is made up of the people I’ve chosen to be in it, and I’m a healthier, happier person for it.
All of this, 1 million times, yes.
I cut off all contact when I was in college after a hideous message was left on my machine telling me I was worthless, all because I wasn’t home when he called the day before. I had spent my whole life living with abuse, it crippled me emotionally. He kidnapped me twice, both times were traumatizing and violent and the court still decided my sister and I had to see him. I was completely terrified and I decided I didn’t want to be anymore, and you know what? It turned out I didn’t have to be. When I turned 18 the court couldn’t tell me what to do anymore.I have so many friends with crazy parents and they want to work it out and make it right and if you can, that’s great. In some cases though, there is only so much trying you can do, only so much abuse you can take. Just remember that you have the strength and you can leave.
I can’t write about my parents - I’ve been told this by both of them and most of my extended family. I want to, I think about it a lot, and the only reason I don’t is that I don’t want to reopen the line of communication. I don’t even talk about them because I’m scared they’ll contact me about it. I’m scared writing these sentences, because they both check on my internet presence. I don’t know if they’re terrible people or just bring out the terrible things in me, but every minute bit of contact is a trigger to self-harm and depression. People tell me I’m being dramatic. It’s… complicated.
It’s taken a lot of time and distance to get to being okay again, to stop hating myself and feeling like I’m a bad person all the time. Like everything is my fault, that I instinctively cause hatred in people, that I’m ugly and worthless and wrong. I found a better family, in my friends and my job and my boyfriend. There’s always someone to take me in on holidays and birthdays. My boss is the best surrogate parent I could ask for.
Still, it sucks. It never doesn’t suck, especially when people talk about their great relationships with their moms and dads and I know that I won’t ever have that again. I don’t want them back in my life, I don’t want to fix what’s better off broken. I don’t want a happy ending. I want to be okay, and that means being away from them.
Point is: If people make you feel like shit, bide your time until you can get out. Even if it doesn’t get better, you can.
(via segmented)
(via satirist)
uhhh this is part of what my mom does for a living, but apparently she never told me before because she tried but i (and my father, who she suspects is who i got it from because it is often genetic, and you are more likely to get it from your father’s side than your mother’s) ignored/brushed her off.
for some reason it came up today and then she was like ‘do you really want to know?’ so we went through a run down of childhood behavior patterns and current social interaction skills, linguistic abilities, ability to empathize, motor issues, etc. and like, uhhh. basically she was like ‘yep. thought so.’
THIS IS KIND OF A HUGE REILEF GUYS. CAN I JUST WRITE OFF MY WEIRDNESS ON THIS FROM NOW ON?? IT’S NOT CONSIDERED A DISORDER OR ANYTHING AND IT’S A HIGH FUNCTION SECTION OF THE AUTISTIC SPECTRUM SO IT’S NOT LIKE I’M DOOMED.
but also she’s my mom, and while my dad shows a lot of autistic traits, she to me shows a lot of ‘i actually honestly hate my children i just care about appearances’ traits. sooo like, trust with her is kind of limited.
i’m on medication already for an ‘undiagnosed disorder’ but it is supposed to help with several of the things (including aspergers) i am suspected of having. basically, can i have a brain scan please? cause i just want to know for like, practical purposes.
im going to start wheeling around an industrial fan so everytime someone starts to say something rude i can cut them off mid sentence with the deafening roar of steel blades slicing through the air
“genderqueer isnt a real thi-” VVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“youre not a boy until y-” VVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
“dont worry, youll grow out of i-” VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, RRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
(via infantsmoothie)
